hello again....

I've never been good at putting my thought into words but i think that if i start to try it will be helpful later on in life.

So I've now been in college for about three months. It's...different. High school was never anything special for me. I had few friends and never really fit in to any specific group. Which was fine for me, it's what i preferred. College, while a totally different experience compared to high school, is somewhat of the same situation. I have my roommates and a friend from home and that's all i feel that i really need. I have no strong desire to go and interact with the other people in my hall or in my ward. Most of the time when i meet new people, i never really look at them as potential friends. With my roommates it was different seeing as how I'll be living with them for nearly a year. With others i don't see any logical reason to attempt to create a relationship that will most likely be inconsequential and fade away with the end of our freshman year. The chance that I'll see the people in my ward and hall again is probably very small, so i see no point.

I realize that this view on relationships might seem twisted or rude. But I've witnessed so many "relationships" in high school crash into huge heaps of sadness, anger and stupidity, that i don't feel like bothering with something that will end with some trivial misunderstanding that will be tucked away in some far recess of the mind only to be pulled out in order to examine the blow up and slander the once friend who had a part in destroying what you thought was a meaningful relationship.

Seeing as how my experiences with relationships of really any kind is very narrow and VERY twisted, i really shouldn't be trying to justify my thoughts. I'm pretty sure that once i experience true friendship, which is a totally alien concept to me, that my opinion on relationships will slowly turn. Hopefully. If it doesn't turn a whole 180 i think I'd be fine with that. i enjoy being by myself at times and having less friends means i get more time to myself. I know that sounds completely anti-social but I'm not i swear. I'll admit that in high school i probably was for a time, but not anymore. While i don't have "best" friends, i still have my roommates who are my friends and who i appreciate for putting up with me. All the people who professed to be my best friends in high school never truly cared. They used me in a way. Used my trust and loyalty. But that's in the past. And i never plan on letting that happen again.